Mediocre at best

I'd like to define my blogging status as mediocre at best, but I think that is a pretty large stretch from the truth. When the last post is somewhere in January, and it's now August, that's about as lame as it gets. It's definitely not like I don't have an abundance to share. And it's not like I don't have free time to write. I just don't make time. Excuses, excuses.
Well with it being August, I always get nostalgic and emotional. I remember 4 years ago at this time, I has started my maternity break from O'neill Clothing, and was at home, preparing for the unknown. I was huge, tired, uncomfortable, and trying to pretend I was the picture of perfection, and desperately trying to stay anxiety free. I knew August 18 was our day to meet West, but I wasn't sure how I'd fare.
I wish I could go back to those days and just take a peek on myself. I think I'd be shocked at how much I've changed. I'm someones mom now.
I had a moment in Toy-R-Us with Ed yesterday, while pushing the basket in and out of the aisles of toys. I've done it several times, but this time was different. I am a mom. It's been nearly 4 years, and typing it is still weird. I love being West's mom more than I love anything in the world, and my brain still has not comprehended it fully. I walked in those aisles, and I couldn't believe I was pushing MY cart, looking for toys for MY son, using money I had earned, and it all felt like I was out of body. When does it all sink in? When he starts school? When he turns 18? Never? Am I the only one who still has these feelings of.......I'm a mom?!
4 years and counting.
My sweet West, who is now moving out of his dinosaur phase, and into a superhero phase. My sweet West who tells me he loves me so much, just about every time I catch his eye. My sweet West, who still loves to crawl up on me and snuggle. My sweet West who reaches up for my hand, whenever I walk near him. My sweet West, I wish you could stay this little forever. I wish I could live in these moments forever. I love you, my sweet perfect boy. I love you more everyday, and at 4 years old, you are continuing to make me the most proud mama ever.